It can be kind of difficult telling your dad. “Son,” he’ll reply after an intimidating silence, “you’re dead to me now.” Your friends will begin to give up on you too, as you start to alienate them with talk of wonky microminimalism and your unrelenting obsession with all things Berlin. You’ll fail your degree due to your pathetic late night (check to see no-one’s watching as your fist pumps the air) clumsy spinning sessions. Fiona, the pretty girl who thought you were cool because you had a leather jacket and introduced her to Animal Collective, will stop coming to hang out, complaining that you don’t listen to anything that has a tune anymore. Everything you thought you loved will begin to seem a little less important.
But here’s the thing: there is nothing more triumphant, life affirming or, goddamn it, euphoric than the feeling of drowning in sweat, sin and bald-headed Glaswegians, fucking rocking out at one of the city’s finest techno nights. Admittedly, there are a few things that might put you off, ye of little faith: they can seem a little scary to the average skinny indie kid, and you may well be the youngest dude there. There might be rather more men than women (though techno is definitely not just a boy’s game), and it can be hard to convince your mates to come along at first.
But seriously, don’t worry. Your friends, family and girlfriend will all come back to you in the end. Techno will never die.
Symbiosis Quarterly, Soundhaus, £8/10
Symbiosis is, without a doubt, one of the best underground club nights in Glasgow. If you’re wanting a taste of proper rave then don’t hesitate to check it out. The main room is strictly filthy, bangin’ drum ‘n bass from residents Calaco Jack, Yellowbenzene & co, and the vibes are high-paced, futuristic and funky from start to finish. In the back bar, Obese cranks out jackin’ house and techno with residents Full Phat taking control of the sound. Symbiosis is student-friendly and the resident DJ team is one of the best in Glasgow. It runs ‘til 4am and the bar is open late: every Symbiosis night is guaranteed to be beast!
Monox 3rd Saturday of every month, Soundhaus, £7/9
Club Monox is run by Dan Monox who also finds time to run MNX records, work at Rub-A-Dub, and generally rock damn hard, both behind the decks and as part of the Flying Lurinskys. The night takes place every second Saturday or so in the Soundhaus. And if you like it a little wild then come on in for the best underground techno and some choice guests. Be warned: it all gets a bit messy.
Club 69 Saturdays, Rocksys Basement, £7
Hidden under a curry shop somewhere in Paisley lies this little gem. Run by one of the guys from Rub-a-Dub records, club 69 caters to an adoring crowd, throwing the best techno parties every Saturday night till the wee small hours. Though it involves a train out and a very messy taxi home, it’s definitely worth the effort and not as scary as it sounds. They recently played host to a full on Underground Resistance live show after their big pressure gig, and there’s definitely a feeling of being part of something special when this tiny little room is totally jumping. Hells yeah.
Pressure Last Friday of every month, The Arches, £20
Get your ass down to Pressure. Organised by local legends Slam, it’ll cost you £20 but there will be a bunch of stuff on in every arch, and smiles and hugs from strangers all round. Its open late and all the biggest and best names rock the house, with many stating it as their favourite night to play. Villalobos, Josh Wink, Adam Beyer, Richie Fucking Hawtin, Underground Resistance and, this month, Laurent Garnier – it’s all about Pressure!